The other night I was watching a light saber battle in my living room when we got a phone call from the adoption agency. A young gal had given birth early and she was placing her baby for adoption. They were looking for interested families so that the birth mother could view some profiles and choose an adoptive family on Saturday. It was a little girl and she was healthy.
At first I was ecstatic! I had a strong feeling that THIS was the baby for us. The timing was perfect! We could all leave for Texas right away. But as the adoption coordinator continued, I began to hear things that challenged this feeling. Premature, 2 pounds, extended NICU stay, medical decisions, etc. Although she was healthy and breathing on her own, she was born three months too soon and was going to be in the hospital for at least the next ten weeks. If chosen as parents, Michael or I would need to be in Texas for the remainder of her hospital stay. And obviously as her parents we would be there. We wouldn't dream of leaving the youngest member of the family alone, 1300 miles from where we are.
We were not faced with an easy choice here. Easy-going Michael was all for it. Let this young mom see our profile and if she chooses us then we will work it out. "How?" I asked him. "How would we work this out?" "Don't worry about it, " he assured me. "It'll work out."
I was not so sure. We only had two hours to discuss and pray on this matter. Michael could take a short leave from work, that would buy us a couple weeks. Maybe his mom could come to help out. I knew that friends would help when and however they could. But we weren't talking about a week here. We were talking about a SEASON. When we returned with the baby it would no longer be Winter, it would be Spring.
Michael never waivered in his view that we should take the chance and we would work it out. This is one of the numerous reasons I love him. He is a believer in taking chances. "It's a baby!" He kept telling me.
I wanted to say yes. I wanted that very much. But looking into the five beautiful faces of my biological children I knew I had to say no. I could not take the chance that I would only see those faces a few times in the next three months. As a family I knew we could not handle such an intense separation right now. Although we may finally achieve our adoption dream, the emotional expense was too great for my crew to handle. We had to say no.
And we did, or rather Michael did because I knew I would not be able to without breaking down. We were sure to ask and make sure other families had said yes, so that the mother was not left with no possibilities. And several had. Several were able to make the sacrifices that this baby needed and deserved.
I still tear up when I think it. How for a brief moment I was filled with so much hope and so much possibility. How our saying "no" meant that another family was granted an amazing Christmas miracle. And how some day my sweet baby girl will be here for us to enjoy, and she will have been worth the wait.